Feeling
by I will never be loved
Summary: An accident, that's all it was. Sleepless nights in a hospital room. A desire to feel. They felt.


It had all been a blur for Yamaguchi.

The car horn, the headlights, the feeling of Tsukishima's back against his hand, and the cold, unforgiving embrace of Tokyo's streets, it was all a mishmash of senses for Yamaguchi.

Next thing he knows, he's awake in a hospital room and his precious Tsukki is crying over him. Yamaguchi wanted to read out, touch Tsukki's cheek and assure him that everything was okay, that he was okay, that _they _were okay.

But, he couldn't.

And with that, Yamaguchi knew that maybe things were a little less than okay.

* * *

It was an accident, the doctor told him. An oncoming car lost the ability to break and Yamaguchi acted the martyr and pushed Tsukishima out of the way.

"You might not be able to feel anything now, but you should be able to feel again," said the doctor, describing Yamaguchi's lack of sensation.

Yamaguchi murmured out a weak yes.

The doctor laughs. "Sorry if you feel so numb, but we pumped a lot of anesthesia into you, so your main feelings should return in a few hours, but I'm not too sure about the rest."

Yamaguchi laid perfectly still as the doctor left the room. Tsukishima had retreated to a chair by Yamaguchi's bed, with music blaring out of his headphones and his eyes looking at anything but Yamaguchi.

_Hey Tsukki. How are you? Are you okay? I want to say it hurts, but I can't really feel anything._

_Tsukki._

_Tsukki._

_Tsukki._

* * *

Yamaguchi heard Tsukishima cry when he was supposed to be sleeping. Tsukishima had adamantly chosen to stay with Yamaguchi overnight reasoning, "You are pretty much useless right now".

Yamaguchi appreciated the sentiments.

It was now 3AM and Tsukishima laid his head at the bottom of Yamaguchi's bed, murmuring stupid things, saying that it was his fault, and crying with an ugly face that he would probably never show Yamaguchi.

"I'm pathetic, aren't I?" Tsukki wryly smiled.

_Don't cry Tsukki. __It's not your fault. __Please don't cry._

Yamaguchi wanted to slap some sense back into Tsukki, to shake him until he stopped saying all these stupid and uncool things, to punch his chest and tell him that Tsukki is the most amazing person in the world.

But he couldn't.

God, this stupid whatever this thing is was becoming unbearable. All Yamaguchi wanted was to _feel_, and to show Tsukki all these stupid feelings, and hope that by the time he _could _feel something again, Tsukki wouldn't be too broken.

Because by god, this was becoming pathetic.

* * *

Yamaguchi could move his arms. He lifted the sheets a bit to experiment how far he could take this. He managed to raise it a few inches off the bed, it wasn't much, but it was a start. He was also glad to find out that he could speak a little louder.

"Tsukki," he said out loud while the blonde was knocked out on the couch. "Tsukki," he repeated louder. The blonde boy seemed to stir a bit and Yamaguchi felt satisfied. _Tsukki can hear me._

_Thank god._

The silence and ungodly cleanliness of the hospital room was starting to drive Yamaguchi mad. He grew even madder now, with the stupid ticking of the clock becoming louder and louder. Time was teasing him, and he almost gave in.

When he could move, he would tell Tsukki that he was amazing, that he never wanted him to cry again, he would hold Tsukki close and call him cool and place him near the stars.

And they would be happy.

They would feel.

* * *

Tsukishima woke up at around 10am. He rubbed his eyes - still sore from all that crying in the dark - and blindly searched the hotel room for his glasses.

"You left them on the table near the plant."

Tsukishima turned to face the bed. It was blurry, but he could make out the colors and shapes, and he could tell that Yamaguchi was sitting up. He didn't know what face to make, should he be happy, sad, forlorn, joyous?

"Thanks," Tsukishima replied, making his way over to the table. Feeling around, he found his glasses and quickly wore them.

"Are you hungry?" Yamaguchi piped up. "The nurse already brought my breakfast, so it's fine if you go eat ahead."

_This is wrong_, thought Tsukishima. Yamaguchi acted so normal even though he was clearly not. All these stupid wires and tubes going in an out of him - skewering him - proved that.

"Yamaguchi," Tsukishima said as he walked over to the boy. "Yamaguchi, are you-"

"Do me a favor Tsukki," Yamaguchi interrupted him. "I'm still a little out of it, so could you please put your head on my chest?"

"I-"

"Please."

Tsukishima knew it was a strange request. It would be so out of his character to accept. But Yamaguchi smiled at him so sweetly, and after all that happened, Yamaguchi deserved a little spoiling. Hesitantly, Tsukishima brought his head to Yamaguchi's chest.

"There were so many things I couldn't do," Yamaguchi said as he strained to wrap his hands around Tsukishima's head, bringing him closer to his heart. "There's still a lot of things I can't do. But, I want you to know, that I'm okay."

Tsukishima was speechless.

"Are you okay?" Yamaguchi asked.

Tears welled up in Tsukishima's eyes.

"Kei?"

"I'm not."

* * *

"Tsukki, I think we're lost!" Yamaguchi called out to his friend. Previously, they had been doing their afternoon road work with Hinata and some of the other Nekoma guys. But somewhere along the way, they had gotten lost. "Tsukki, it's getting dark!" Yamaguchi called out again and sighed. Tsukki's headphones were probably blasting out music again. "Tsukki," he repeated, running after his friend.

Tsukishima was too busy looking forward, he knew that the music was too loud, but he was too lazy to adjust the volume, after all their road work was due to end soon.

He felt it before he heard it.

The cars horns had been almost deafening, and before Tsukishima could react, he felt familiar hands push him out of harms way.

"Tsukki!" his voice had called out.

The car stopped, but the damage had been done. Tsukki felt so useless at the moment, so pathetic, all he could do was hold his best friend's hand as a stranger in the background called for an ambulance.

"Tadashi, you idiot, why did you do that, look what happened to you, pathetic, what if you can't play volleyball anyway, oh god, you should have just let me get hit, you idiot, you stupid stupid stupid stupid, I'm sorry, god, Tadashi don't die," Tsukishima murmured out strings of apologies and insults. He had never been one to pray, but when he watched them carry Yamaguchi into the ambulance, he found his hands clasped together and is lips praying to gods that he had never spoke to before.

* * *

It had been almost two months before the doctors decided that Yamaguchi could leave the hospital. Yamaguchi had to walk with crutches for a bit, and yes it hurt like hell, but Yamaguchi enjoyed it.

He could feel again.

"Tsukki, did you manage to solve number 9 from our Algebra homework yesterday?"

Tsukishima scoffed. "Of course I did," he said. "If you want, you can come over, I'll teach you."

"That's would be great, Tsukki! You're wonderful," Yamaguchi grinned.

"It's nothing."

"It's not nothing."

"I'm sorry", Tsukishima had said as they walked home, he said this almost everyday. _I'm sorry for what I didn't do._

"I'm sorry too," Yamaguchi replied, this had become a silly little habit that they had grown accustomed to. _I'm sorry for what I couldn't do._

They walked home slowly, dragged down by the regrets of what they didn't and couldn't do. But now, there were many things they could do and did.

They felt happy.

_They felt._

* * *

**Author's note: WOW TWO STORIES IN A ROW THIS IS AMAZING I HAVE NEVER WRITTEN THIS MUCH LIKE WOW MUCH PROUD OF SELF.**

Written for Haikyuu PH Fandom Week

Day Two: Regret

Unedited. I probably won't fix this. AND WOW LOOK HOW OOC THEY ARE LIKE WOW.

I'm done.


End file.
